Patenaude's photo blog

The Tallest de Milo

2009-03-02T10:56:35Z

The Tallest de Milo, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Of course, there is no doubt that if we lived in a police state, it would be easier to catch terrorists. If we lived in a country that allowed the police to search your home at any time for any reason; if we lived in a country that allowed the government to open your mail, eavesdrop on your phone conversations, or intercept your email communications; if we lived in a country that allowed the government to hold people in jail indefinitely based on what they write or think, or based on mere suspicion that they are up to no good, then the government would no doubt discover and arrest more terrorists. But that probably would not be a country in which we would want to live. And that would not be a country for which we could, in good conscience, ask our young people to fight and die. In short, that would not be America. ~ Russ Feingold

Patenaude Photography

Molly H.W.

2008-08-26T08:16:09Z

Molly H.W., originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

ACTOR: A professional exhibitionist who manufactures emotions in a manner convincing enough to earn a living, generally by reciting the daily specials to restaurant patrons.

Rick Bayan, The Cynic's Dictionary

Patenaude Photography

Alabaster

2008-08-04T08:11:50Z

Alabaster, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it."

Mark Twain

Patenaude Photography

Smile

2008-07-29T07:18:49Z

Smile, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Brock: You could've told me Sasquatch was a dude...
Steve Summers: Eh? What, you couldn't tell?
Brock: Not until I had to.. (shudder) ...shave him.
Summers: What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before.
Brock: (angrily) Sasquatch IS something I haven't seen before!

Venture Bros

Patenaude Photography

Infinity Heart

2008-07-14T09:50:18Z

Infinity Heart, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

The imagination is the cradle where pleasures are born.
— Marquis de Sade

Patenaude Photography

Lets Home

2008-07-07T06:58:40Z

Lets Home, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Some people think I'm high on stage; I would never get high before a show, because, when I'm high, I don't wanna stand in front of a bunch of people I don't know. That does not sound comfortable. Like, when you're high, and a joke doesn't work, it's extra scary. It's like,"Whoa, what the hell happened there? I am retreating within myself. Why have all these people gathered? And why am I elevated? Why am I not facing the same way as everyone else? And what is this electric stick in my hand?"

Mitch Hedberg

Patenaude Photography

Infinity Heart Tattoo

2008-06-23T08:41:55Z

Infinity Heart Tattoo, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

[Bernard and Manny discussing the state of the shop]
Manny: Okay, fair enough. You know, this could be a really lovely place.
Bernard: [Defensive] It is a lovely place!
[Manny walks over to a spot near the door]
Manny: Yeah? You'd have to wax the shelves, and get rid of whatever it is that makes you stick to the floor over here.
Bernard: You're supposed to stick to the floor over there. I like it like that. Stops children running around.
Manny: Seal the floors, stop that rising smell... and you do know you've got molluscs on your pipes?
Bernard: What of it?
Manny: Well, it's just that traditionally they live in the sea.

Black Books

Patenaude Photography

Shadow

2008-06-03T07:02:04Z

Shadow, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

(After Badger abruptly backs out of the deal, Mal, Zoe and Jayne discuss where they can sell the cargo.)
Zoe: So the border planets?
Mal: I'm thinking Whitefall, maybe talk to Patience.
Zoe: Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again.
Mal: Why not?
Zoe: She shot you.
Mal: Well, yeah, she did a bit.
...
Mal: Been a long time since Patience shot me, and that was due to a perfectly legitimate conflict of interest. I got no grudge.
...
Mal: Did you send word to Patience?
Wash: Yeah, ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?
Mal: Everyone's makin' a fuss.
(Mal and Patience have just finished setting up a meet on Whitefall.)
Mal: You know, I do believe that woman is planning to shoot me again.
...
Jayne: Here's a little concept I've been working on. Why don't we shoot her first?
Wash: It is her turn.
from Firefly

Patenaude Photography

Dakin Auction

2008-06-01T21:39:04Z

Dakin Auction, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

An auction to benefit the Dakin animal shelter, Saturday June from 7-9pm at the Leverett Crafts and Arts Center, Leverett, MA.
Come see great artwork and support Dakin.

Patenaude Photography

Infinity Water

2008-05-20T09:46:29Z

Infinity Water, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

"The best way to execute french cooking is to get good and loaded and whack the hell out of a chicken. Bon appétit."

Julia Child

Patenaude Photography

166

2008-05-19T06:04:00Z

166, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

[Homer and Plopper watch Bumblebee Man kiss a mule on TV]
Homer: [nudging Plopper] Don't get any ideas, huh?
[They laugh, and Homer falls off the couch, ending up at eye level with Plopper.]
Homer: [awkward silence] Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension...
Marge: What's going on here?
Homer: Nothing!

Patenaude Photography

Revenge

2008-05-13T05:39:51Z

Revenge, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Master Billy Quizboy: Hold the phone. Total babe alert, twelve o'clock.
Pete White: Oh yeah, I know her type. Watch and learn, Wilhelmina.
Billy: Okay, one: you're totally gay. Two: she's hot, and you're an albino. And three: you're totally gay.

Venture Bros

Patenaude Photography

Web

2008-05-12T10:07:30Z

Web, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr. Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby... someone.
Dr. Frankenstein: Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby... Normal.
Dr. Frankenstein: Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frankenstein: Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?!! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME!!?!?

Young Frankenstein

Patenaude Photography

Discipula Tattoo

2008-04-28T08:04:37Z

Discipula Tattoo, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

[On Dethklok's train to Finland, for an apology tour, for nearly destroying the country the last time they visited.]

Nathan Explosion: Idea for song: Mur... murder... a guy, a guy gets murdered... and eaten... at an all-you-can-eat buffet, yeah...
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Last time I was in Finland... Last time I was in Finland I must have you-know-what-ed about, mmm, five hundred girls.
Nathan : OH! and that happens forever! Yeah.
Skwisgaar: Ballspark estimate. Whatever.
Toki Wartooth: Not like it's so hard. You in the biggest band in the world.
Skwisgaar: Women have a -
Toki: [irritably] Brags about eating lollipops, he works in lollipop factory!
Skwisgaar: Women have a quality attraction to me. Mmm, you got to deal with it.
Toki: Oh, I'm dealing with it. Believe me, I'm holding back gallons of throw-up as we speak!
Skwisgaar: Don't do me any favors, throw up on yourself.

Metalocalypse

Patenaude Photography

Pensive

2008-04-14T06:59:13Z

Pensive, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Harmonica: I saw three of these dusters a short time ago.
They were waiting for a train.
Inside the dusters there were three men.
Cheyenne: So?
Harmonica: Inside the men there were three bullets.
Cheyenne: That's a crazy story, Harmonica, for two reasons. One, nobody around these part's got the guts to wear those dusters except Cheyenne's men. Two, Cheyenne's men don't get killed.

Once Upon a Time in the West

Glamour Dos

2008-03-20T07:42:02Z

Glamour Dos, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

"The biggest surprise was that the Tony Awards were on TV at all. I don't give a shit. Hell, I live behind a Broadway theater and I don't give a shit. I performed on Broadway this year, and I still don't give a shit!"

Lewis Black

Patenaude Photography

Glamour

2008-03-18T06:01:59Z

Glamour, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a right." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a left. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

Steven Wright

Patenaude Photography

Arch

2008-02-04T08:01:43Z

Arch, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Death isn't online. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?

Terry Pratchett

Patenaude Photography

Obedient

2008-01-22T07:04:44Z

Obedient, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

There is a Karmic Rule of Kink (KROK), and it goes something like this: "Dump the honest foot fetishist and you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac." Break up with a guy over his relatively tame fetish — and a foot fetish is about as tame as they get — and KROK will make sure your next boyfriend is some lying corpsefucker who tells you only what you want to hear. ("Honestly, honey, I only like live girls!") Only after you've married the corpsefucker and had a few kids — once extricating yourself from the marriage becomes a hugely complicated ordeal — will he ask you to lie in a tub of ice until you're good and cold. And when you're lying in that tub of ice — and odds are you will, because you won't want to put your poor kids through a divorce — you'll remember that sweet, harmless foot fetishist whose heart you broke back in college, the man you could have married.

"Mary's Uterus", Savage Love column, The Stranger

Patenaude Photography

The Dam

2008-01-15T06:18:53Z

The Dam, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

[Matthias is about to be stoned to death]
Matthias: Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse?! How can it be worse?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
from,
Life of Brian

Patenaude Photography

Wet Callalily

2007-12-24T10:11:28Z

Wet Callalily, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

"I have decided to move from the planet. I’m sorry but I simply cannot remain on a world where Paris Hilton is allowed to publish “memoirs.""
Alton Brown

Patenaude Photography

144

2007-10-15T09:06:40Z

144, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

LSD reveals the whatness of things, their quiddity, their essence. The wateriness of water is suddenly revealed to you, the carpetness of carpets, the woodness of wood, the yellowness of yellow, the fingernailness of fingernails, the allness of all, the nothingness of all, the allness of nothing. For me music gives access to every one of these essences of existence, but at a fraction of the social or financial cost of a drug and without the need to cry 'Wow!' all the time, which is one of LSD's most distressing and least endearing side-effects.

Stephen Fry

Patenaude Photography

Waiting

2007-10-09T07:55:10Z

Waiting, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

And the Pope is infallible, we're taught that, Pope can't make a mistake, but the Catholic church just doesn't take that motherfucker to Vegas. 'All right, put all the Catholic churches money on 17 black.' [casino sound] '32 red, I'm sorry.' 'No, I don't think you heard, he said 17 black! Thank you! Let's go to Bellagio!' That way they could pay off those debts they owe.
David Cross

Patenaude Photography

138

2007-09-04T09:43:53Z

138, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

[Roy receiving a tech support call, answers after 15 rings with a sigh]]
Roy: Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Roy: Well, the button on the side, is it glowing?
Roy: Yeah, you need to turn it on.
Roy: The button turns it on.
Roy: You DO know how a button works, don't you?
Roy: No, not on clothes.

Roy: No, no, there you go, there you go. I just heard it come on.
Roy: No, no, that's the music you hear when it comes on.
Roy: No, that's the music you hear when you..
Roy: I'm sorry, are you from the past?
From "The IT Crowd".

Patenaude Photography

Water

2007-07-02T08:20:31Z

Water, originally uploaded by mr_max_mercury.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's like the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. "Dammit, Otto, you're an alcoholic." "Dammit, Otto, you have lupus." One of those two doesn't sound right.

Mitch Hedberg

Patenaude Photography